Premarital Counselling
There are many myths and realities about marriage and there is wealth of information about what needs to be occurring within a relationship that leads to an enduring marriage.
Pre-marriage counselling helps couples prepare for marriage by providing an evidence-based framework on which to build a successful long-term marriage and skills to address potential issues that inevitably arise in all marriages.
Entering into marriage and having your relationship thrive over the long term brings challenges that many don’t anticipate. Premarital counselling gives you the skills and understanding to overcome the inevitable hiccups and grow together as a couple
A step in the right direction
Premarital counselling is a series of education and exploration sessions designed to guide you both to an understanding of what’s needed for your marriage to do well in the long term.
Designed to help pave the way for you to transition into married life with your eyes wide open to the challenges, requirements and skills needed to make the most of your marriage, the process involves a series of sessions which alert you to:
Your realistic individual and combined strengths
The areas which might cause difficulty and to upskill you to manage challenges as they inevitably arise.
Develop a ‘couple state of mind’ and understand how past family and relational templates can impact your present relationship.
Areas I cover in pre-marriage counselling
Relationship Assessment: An assessment process helps you understand your compatibility, strengths, and areas that may need improvement. Usually, the process involves discussions about values, goals, expectations, and potential areas of conflict.
Communication Skills: Effective communication is crucial for a successful marriage, but this can be learned by integrating techniques and strategies that promote listening, expressing feelings in non-defensive ways, and resolving conflicts in a productive way.
Conflict Resolution: You’ll learn how to identify and manage conflicts constructively. You’ll explore ways to resolve disagreements and negotiate compromises.
Exploring idealisation and the reality of marriage – Relationships change after marriage in ways that are not always expected. After a marriage it can feel like one is waking up from a dream to be met with reality. The aim of this work is to maintain an enduring connection in a fulfilling and realistic way.
Financial Management: Money matters can be a significant source of conflict in marriages. Pre-marriage counselling often includes discussions about financial goals, budgeting, spending habits, and how to handle joint finances.
Role Expectations: Explore your expectations regarding roles in the marriage, responsibilities, and the division of labour within the marriage. This includes discussing career aspirations, household chores, parenting, and other shared responsibilities.
Family Dynamics: In these sessions you will explore ways to navigate discussions about your respective families, including in-laws, extended family relationships, and potential challenges that may arise.
Intimacy and Sexuality: Open discussions about sexual intimacy, sexual expectations, and emotional intimacy are encouraged to promote a healthy and satisfying physical and emotional connection.
Future Planning: You’ll explore your long-term goals, such as starting a family, career plans, housing, and lifestyle choices. You’ll discuss how these aspirations align and identify potential areas of compromise.
Personal Growth: Pre-marriage counselling may also involve personal reflection and growth. You are encouraged to explore your own values, beliefs, and past experiences that may impact your relationship. The counsellor may suggest strategies for personal development and self-awareness.
Pre-marriage counselling course structure
In collaboration with the therapist each pre-marriage program needs to be tailored to the specific couple’s needs and the degree of depth the couple would like to explore for their relationship and marriage.
Pre-marriage counselling is not therapeutic in the sense that deep work with the couple is not done but rather problem solving and learning are more forefront in the work. Sometimes the work paves the way for the couple to enter couples therapy or individual therapy but this is intended as part of the stand-alone process.
The structure includes sessions of 1.5hrs duration which can be tailored to the specific needs of the couple and sessions include learning, skills acquisition and practice in the therapist’s office.
An example structure would look something like the following.
Pre-Session
An initial Zoom session with the couple to create a plan
In-Office or Zoom Sessions
Session 1 - The couple interview
Session 2 & 3 – Individual assessments*
Session 4 – Successful long-term relationships and Survey feedback
Session 5 – Communication, complaints vs criticism, conflict and dealing with dysregulation
Session 6 – Interdependence vs. dependence and enmeshment
Session 7 – Financial stressors, blended families, and mental health issues
Session 8 – Exploration of specific issues to the client, summary and closing
*The couple individually complete a relationship check-up survey (online)
Optional post-session follow-up and coaching
Some couples choose to do a post-honeymoon or later follow up session or a series of check in coaching sessions as per the their needs/preference.